I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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