I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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