I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
