Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
