this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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