my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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