did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
