I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
