I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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