Already got asked if we're dating
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
