that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
