I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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