I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
