On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
