Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
