You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
