I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
