The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
