Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
