my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
