Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
