The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
