Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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