Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
