Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
