There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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