just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
