a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
