Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sober January is a disaster.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
