Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
