Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
