It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm really busy with my period
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