So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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