Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
