Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
