New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
