Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
