im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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