girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You smell like stripper and shame
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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