He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
