How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
