So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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