You work out of a Hotel?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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