She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
