i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
