he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
