Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
