I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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