Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
false alarm. still invincible.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
