By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
