sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
