God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
