I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
