Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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