ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
