Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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