I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
