can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
