His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
